Need Your Light
by emmareden
Summary: Basically set after 3A but as if the new curse had never happened. Regina is finally starting to break when she starts to face all the bad she has done and Emma tries to help her. Not meant to be completely romance-centred but of course it's there... It is Regina and Emma. TW: Self harm/depression/alcoholism
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Set possibly after 3A but as if Emma and Henry had stayed in Storybrooke and all had been good in that sense. ****TW: Self-harm/alcoholism/depression/suicidal issues discussed so please don't read if these things will disturb you. ****Initially this was going to be a quick oneshot but it just kept evolving, so now I'm considering doing a follow up to this, let me know if you would be interested and if you have any ideas thanks for reading! **

"You have no idea what I feel. You have your parents, you have this person, a pirate who pines for you, you have everything and yet you claim to know what I feel. All I have is henry and I am not about to lose him because he is everything."

Regina should have been happy; she knew that but she wasn't. She couldn't shake this anxious, niggling feeling so she pulled the covers over her head and closed her eyes. Sometimes sleep was the best defence.

At least it was until there was a knocking at the door downstairs that woke her up slowly. The visitor was persistent and the pounding continued. Regina groaned as she threw back the covers and quickly fixed her bed-head in the mirror, smoothing out the shirt she had fallen asleep in as she made her way down the stairs and to the door.

"Emma," she sighed, "What are you doing here?"

"I thought I was picking Henry up from school, but I couldn't find him anywhere?" Emma asked, with a concerned frown.

Regina rubbed her forehead, "Uh, yeah he was hanging out with David, I think, down in the mines, after school today. Didn't I tell you?"

Emma shook her head, "No, you didn't tell me. I was worried, Regina."

Regina couldn't be bothered fighting, she sighed and nodded, "I'm sorry," she simply said, shrugging apologetically.

Emma was confused, it wasn't like Regina to apologise or not fight back, "You haven't been around much lately… Is everything okay?" Emma was still frowning, "Were you asleep?"

"Asleep?" Regina blinked; did she look that bad?

"You have bed-head," Emma let a small smile sneak onto her face as the mayor self consciously patted her hair.

"I was…tired," was all she could come up with pathetically.

"Uh-huh," Emma nodded, "Aren't you gonna invite me in?"

Regina raised her eyebrows before shrugging and moving aside to let the younger woman in, "If you wish," she led the way into the kitchen, opening a cupboard and pulling out a bottle of whiskey, "Drink?" she asked, setting a couple of glasses on the bench.

This time it was Emma who raised her eyebrows, "At this time of day?" she asked.

Regina put the bottle down, glancing at the clock; it _was_ only four in the afternoon, "Oh, right," she smiled, "Cup of coffee then?"

Emma nodded, watching Regina busy herself about the kitchen, she couldn't help notice the brunette's shaking hands. Something was definitely off about the mayor since they returned from Neverland. Emma hadn't seen much of her at all to be honest, and when she did she was like this; unsure, sleepy, drinking during the day.

"Regina," Emma started, after as much small talk as the two could politely get through, something they'd never been great at, "Is everything… okay?"

Regina broke eye contact with the other woman, "Yes, fine," she simply answered.

Emma bit her tongue; perhaps it wasn't her place to push the other woman to talk.

"I'm sure she'll be here soon, kiddo," Emma smiled at Henry.

"She's probably sleeping," Henry shrugs, "She sleeps a lot lately."

Emma bit her lip, "She's tired after the trip, huh?" she asked light-heartedly.

Henry nodded, pretending to focus on the tv, "Yeah, I think she's sad or something. She sleeps in the day but she's up all night. She never makes me dinner anymore, either," he turned to her, "We used to eat together every night but she just gets those microwave meals now. They're not as good as her cooking," his eyes were downcast.

Emma grimaced, "Don't worry, I'll talk to her okay?"

Henry shrugged, "You can try. I tried to get her to make her lasagne the other night, but…" he trailed off for a moment, "she just snapped at me and went up to her bedroom."

Emma nodded, "Hey, I'm gonna give her a call, see where she's at," she lifted herself off the couch and pulled her phone out as she wandered out of earshot of her son.

Henry wasn't stupid, he clearly knew something was up, but he was just a kid, he couldn't take care of his adoptive mother, especially if she was overwhelmed by some kind of depression like it sounded. The truth was, if Emma wouldn't talk to her about this, who would?

Regina hadn't answered her phone and that worried Emma. She used to be so particular with when Henry was meant to be with her, and now she wasn't here and she wasn't even answering her phone. And so Emma dropped Henry off with her parents with a reassuring smile and headed over to the mayor's mansion.

"Regina," she called as she knocked on the door, "Open up," and when it became obvious that she wasn't going to, she turned the handle which thankfully, allowed her entrance to the mansion. _Jeez,_ she thought, _Regina would not like this at all. _

She made her way through the rooms of the house; it really was a mess. Regina was usually so meticulous with keeping a clean home, but now there were dishes all over the place, an almost empty whiskey bottle on the kitchen bench and the bins were overflowing. Emma sighed; this was serious.

As she made her way further into the house, she saw Regina splayed out on the couch; asleep, or more likely, passed out, with another bottle on the coffee table in front of her. She was in pyjama bottoms and a singlet. Emma closed her eyes; this wasn't going to be fun.

"Regina," she tried, hoping her voice alone would be enough to wake the sleeping woman, "Come on, wake up," she continued before bending onto her knee's beside the couch and laying a hand on the other woman's shoulder, shaking gently, "Come on, Regina, you're stronger than this," she shook a little harder, gritting her teeth before getting frustrated, "Oh come on, woman, you're the evil freaking queen, you don't give up."

Regina groaned and moved a hand clumsily over her face, "What are you doing here?" she mumbled, propping herself up on her arms and glancing at Emma before averting her eyes, clearly embarrassed.

"Well, you were meant to pick up Henry hours ago, and he mentioned that you've been…," she paused, "unwell," she settled on.

Regina quirked an eyebrow, "Unwell," she repeated slowly, "I've been a little under the weather, that's all."

Emma rolled her eyes, "Okay, let's stop pretending," she said firmly, "There are two nearly empty bottle's of whiskey in the house, and I'm going to guess from the fact that you were passed out that you got through them pretty quick. The house is a total mess, Henry says you won't even cook for him – "

"So that's what this is about? You being a better mother than me?" Regina snapped, "Fine, you win."

"Regina," Emma instinctively put her a hand on each of Regina's shoulders to calm the quickly becoming hysteric woman, "That's not – "

"Fine, take him, I don't care," Regina pushed her away angrily, tears welling in her eyes.

Emma's eyes widened, "Bullshit," she said, taking Regina's wrists in her hands, "Calm down, I know that's not true. You're stressed, or maybe you're still intoxicated, I don't know but you don't mean that."

"Why are you even here?" Regina pulled her wrists out of Emma's grip and sat back down, her head in her hands.

"Because you're…you're having a break down. It's affecting Henry, but," she shook her head, "I'm not just here for him, okay? You need help, you need," she hesitated, "a friend."

Regina looked up at the blonde incredulously, "We've never been friends."

Emma shrugged, "Well, we've always been fighting over something or another. But…we're not fighting now. Believe it or not, I know what it's like to feel alone and lost."

"You don't know what I'm feeling," Regina whispered through clenched teeth.

Emma nodded and her teeth played with her bottom lip, "Well then…tell me," she braved.

Regina hung her head in silence.

"Jeez, Regina, you don't want to be alone but you don't want to let anyone in. That's just not going to work."

Regina shrugged, mumbling to herself, "I need a drink," she stood up.

Emma huffed and swiped the bottle off the coffee table before Regina could reach it, "Seriously? How the hell did you rule a kingdom if you just run to the bottle when life throws a turn at you? You used to be so driven, and now you're…" she trailed off.

"What?" Regina snapped, "Weak? Let me give you a clue, when I ruled a kingdom I was…" she shrugged, "It was different," she finally muttered.

Emma frowned, "What changed?" she asked.

Regina bit her lip, "You have this whole life and this whole town adores you. You're the fucking saviour," the brunette ground her teeth, "I don't have… all I have is Henry and one day he'll grow up and move away and do great things. Good things. And all that will come from you, the good mother and I'll…I'll be left alone again," she followed in a small voice.

"But… you are good now. You're trying and that's what Henry see's in you. That's what a lot of us see in you and if you'd just try to socialise more, then maybe you could make friends – "

"I don't want friends," Regina growled.

Emma sighed in frustration, "Then what the hell do you want?"

Regina suddenly leapt forward and took Emma's face in her hands, pressing her lips to Emma's surprised lips roughly before pulling away, "I want this."

Emma blinked rapidly, her mind still spinning, "You want…"

"You're just so goddamn loyal and good but not an idiot like your mother. I just want someone to…" she shook her head.

Emma's eyebrows furrowed in concentration; this was unexpected, "Want someone to…care? Henry cares, I care," and when Regina rolled her eyes, "Hey, I do. Come on, whose the one who always protects you when the town wants to kill you? I know you're a good person, Regina, but this," she gestured to the mess of the mansion, the bottle, "this isn't you. You're stronger than this."

"Maybe I just ran out of strength," the older woman whispered, hanging her head once again.

Emma shook her head, "No, you haven't. You just need help. You've been trying to hang on on your own for so long, I mean Henry's just a kid, you just need someone to talk to."

"Forgive me if my heart doesn't race at the thought of more sessions with Dr Hopper," Regina rolled her eyes.

Emma smiled and tentatively placed a hand on one of Regina's, "That's not what I meant, though…that may help. But I can be your friend, if you let me."

Regina continued to grind her teeth; she couldn't even look the blonde in the eye, even when she felt Emma's hand constrict around her own.

"It's okay," Emma whispered, "to need someone. It's human nature, we're not built to be alone, Regina."

Regina nodded, refusing to let the tears spill out of her eyes until she had no power over it anymore and she choked as a sob escaped her throat. That was enough for Emma to pull her into her arms, and, surprisingly the stubborn woman didn't pull away but just sobbed into the blonde's chest, apologising as she did.

"Shh," Emma stroked the other woman's hair, "Don't apologise, it's okay. This is what friend's are for."

"I don't think I've ever really had a friend to cry to before," Regina sniffed, still buried in Emma's neck, too afraid to show her tear stained face.

"Yeah, I know," Emma responded, "But you do now, okay? You're not alone."

Eventually, Regina finally pulled herself out of Emma's arms and sniffed as she wiped her eyes clear of any stray tears, "I'm sorry I kissed you," she muttered, not looking the other woman in the eyes.

Emma smiled, "Are you really?"

Regina blushed, "I don't know why I did," she mumbled as she shrugged, "I just… I think you're quite refreshing."

Emma almost laughed; that was as close to a compliment as she was going to get from Regina Mills and she knew it, "Thanks… I think," she shrugged as a cheeky smirk came across her face, "It wasn't so bad, though probably not my best performance – I was a bit surprised."

Regina glared at her, "Thought you were used to having all the…people chase you. There's always boy or another on your trail."

Emma quirked an eyebrow, "Is that jealousy I hear, madam mayor?"

Regina shrugged silently, breaking eye contact with the younger woman. She couldn't possibly have…feelings for Snow White's daughter? Life sure was cruel sometimes, she sighed and rest her somewhat aching head on the cushion of the couch as she allowed Emma to pull a blanket over her before she climbed into an arm chair with a blanket of her own, turning on the television at a low volume.

Emma never could have guessed when she first arrived in Storybrooke and Regina was her biggest adversary that a couple of years later, she would be the other woman's only confidant. Truth was, for a while she had only cared about Regina for Henry's sake – she was still his mother after all and the kid obviously still loved her, despite everything and so Emma had, at the very least, tolerated her. But it didn't take long for her opinion to soften up a little; Regina wasn't necessarily evil, she just had a really twisted way of dealing with things and Emma, of all people, knew that that kind of stuff usually comes from the way you were raised.

Meeting Cora had definitely shed some light on the situation; Regina was in a constant battle with herself between light and dark and she'd known dark for so long that sometimes it was easier. But then she had Henry and she wanted to change for him.

What it boiled down to was that Regina was a very complicated woman, riddled with demons' most people couldn't even imagine. And right now, it was as though all that darkness had caught up to her and was threatening to pull her under in a very different way than ever before. Usually, Regina would take her pain out on everyone else, but it was like something within her had crumbled and now her mind was attacking itself instead.

Emma knocked on the door and waited patiently for Regina to answer. Thankfully, she did; that was a good sign at least.

"Hey," Emma smiled, holding up a Tupperware container, "I bought you some lunch from the diner, in case you hadn't got to the shops."

Regina nodded stiffly, "I hadn't… thanks. Where's Henry?"

Emma bit her lip, "I've left him with my folks, can I come in?"

Regina opened the door to allow Emma in, "He's meant to spend the night here, isn't he?" she frowned.

"Yeah, he is," Emma confirmed, "It's just…I think maybe until you get yourself sorted… - "

"You're keeping him from me?" Regina asked, anger flaring in her eyes.

"No," Emma said quickly, "I would never do that, Regina. I just think maybe day visits would be better for a while. I don't think he should spend the nights right now."

Regina's shoulders dropped, "Has he said something?" she asked quietly.

Emma swallowed hard, "He says he hears you crying through the night," she replied just as quietly, "It scares him, Regina. He's never seen you like this."

"He doesn't want to see me," Regina whispered.

"Regina, no, that's not it at all," Emma said quickly, "He wants to stay here. He wants to take care of you, he wants to learn to cook lasagne and make you breakfast in bed," she smiled at the brunette, "But I don't think that's his place… He's the kid, right?"

Regina sunk onto the chair in the lounge room and nodded, "Of course, you're right. It's not fair on him, he's just a child." 

Emma watched the other woman, eyes full of concern, "How _are_ you doing?" she asked earnestly.

"I am fine," Regina forced out, shrugging, "I just need to snap out of it."

Emma shook her head, "It's not that simple though, is it?"

"Of course, this is another subject that the saviour is an expert on, what a surprise," Regina replied hotly, crossing her arms.

Emma resisted the urge to roll her eyes; when would this woman just accept help? "I'm not an expert," she said slowly, "But growing up, I knew a lot of people who went through stuff," she shrugged, "Foster homes… alcoholics, drug addicts, people with mental illness – "

"I am _not_ an alcoholic," Regina snapped.

Emma put her hands up, "Hey, I didn't say you are. I'm just saying, I've seen it and I've heard it, you don't have to hide anything – "

"Why? Because you've heard everything and you know exactly what I'm feeling," Regina growled.

"No," Emma sighed, trying to keep her own temper under control, "That's not what I'm saying at all. You know what? You're right, I'm not an expert but honestly, Regina, maybe you need one."

Regina's eyes widened and she stood up, "If you say a single word about this to anyone, especially our little insect friend…" she trailed off, unable to finish the threat.

"Archie could help you, Regina… If you let him."

"He got his phd from a curse, for heaven's sake," Regina retorted.

Emma shrugged, "He's helped lots of people with it though, hasn't he?"

"You should leave, Miss Swan," Regina spoke in a monotonous tone.

Emma thought about protesting but instead, stood up and walked herself to the door, "If you need anything, feel free to call," she meant it, but she knew the mayor would never take her up on the offer.

"How was she?" Henry asked the moment Emma stepped through the door.

"She's okay, kid," Emma replied, taking her coat off, "I'll take you over to see her tomorrow, okay?"

"Did she eat?" he asked, "Did she look okay? Did she have those black circles under her eyes or – "

"Whoa, hold on," Emma smiled at the boy in front of her, "Henry, come here," she sat on the couch and Henry followed her, "Your mom is…going through something. She's just a little sad at the moment and it's making her disorganised. I'm going to get her some help though – "

"Archie?" Henry interjected, "He helps sad people all the time."

Emma smiled, "Yeah, maybe. But hey, it's not your job to take care of her, alright? Let the adults do that, it's what we're for."

"But she's _my_ mom," Henry insisted.

"I know, Henry, she is. And she needs you to love her and hug her and spend time with her, okay? But all the practical stuff, like cooking and cleaning, all that, that's what I'm here for okay?"

Henry nodded, "Okay," he thought for a moment, "So are you guys friends now? I mean you're looking after her," he looked up at Emma with shining eyes.

Emma nodded, "We're getting there, kid."

The first time, it really was a mistake. But it had distracted her mind for the quickest moment as she saw the blood leave her finger. It was only a quick prick on a new razor, but it had her wondering. And so slid her finger across the entire blade and winced with the pain but revelled at the blood that now dripped from her finger.

If only she could make the pain last longer, she thought, she might have some freedom from the enemy that was her own thoughts. And so she continued to pull the blade right over her palm, as she clenched her teeth, and right up her arm until she reached her inner elbow and stopped, letting out a gasp of pain. She lent her head against the wall of the shower and let the water wash over the blood trailing down her arm and that too, stung like hell.

Regina didn't fight this time, she sobbed against the wall as both the physical and emotional pain merged; what was happening to her? She was a wreck, and she supposed she always had been but she'd buried it deep for so long. Pretended for everyone else, for herself even, that she was fine, well not anymore.

She gripped the razor in her hand and drew another mark from her palm, right up her arm; it felt awful but so incredibly cathartic at the same time. In that moment, she was filled only with anger, hate and despair at who she was. She wanted to bleed out the person she was and in that second, when she started the third long cut up her arm, it seemed entirely possible that if she just kept on cutting that maybe she could.

Otherwise, she supposed, if she cut enough she would bleed out and pass out for the night, and at least then she would get some sleep. And so she turned the shower off, and got dressed in a singlet so she could continue watching the blood spill from her arm.

All of a sudden it hit her, that she would need to cover these marks up and she swore to herself. However, she only panicked for a moment; as it was, she had already made these marks, what was the difference between covering these up and a few more, if they were all in the same area?

She spent over an hour carving up her arm and she had to admit she was starting to get dizzy, that last incision had really let some blood out and she crawled into bed, not caring about bloodying her sheets as the world began to darken and the last thing she remembered feeling was anger, because even though she was in physical pain, something in her heart still felt such despair and as she closed her eyes, she felt the tears make their way down her cheeks onto her lips, a salty mess.

Emma took her arm from around Henry's shoulders to knock on the mayor's door. There was no answer. Henry looked up at his mom. She smiled back and knocked again. When there was no answer, she turned the door handle – didn't this woman ever lock up her house?

"I'm sure she's just asleep, wait here okay?" Emma told Henry with a smile; he smiled unconvinced but remained in the foyer.

Emma walked through the house checking each of the rooms, suspecting to find Regina either sleeping or perhaps passed out somewhere from too much alcohol, not knowing what awaited her was far worse as she climbed the stairs.

"Regina," she called out, before turning back and checking Henry was still in the foyer, "Are you here? I've bought Henry to see you," she reached the top of the staircase.

She pushed the slightly open door to the bedroom and saw Regina asleep in bed and sighed as she approached. As she got closer, she saw the blood and gasped, rushing to the side of the bed where she could see the blood coming through the sheets. She tore them back to reveal Regina's bloodied and cut up arm.

"Oh god," she breathed, "Hey," she shook the woman, "Wake up, come on Regina," she didn't even notice the tears spilling from her eyes, "Don't do this, wake up."

Regina's eyes fluttered open as she groaned, her eyes flicking from Emma's concerned and tear stained face to her bloodied arm, "I'm fine," she simply stated, blinking slowly.

"Regina," an exasperated Emma said, "You're not fine, I've got to get you to a hospital, your arm – "

"No, no hospital. I'm okay, honestly. I didn't pass out from the…I didn't pass out, I fell asleep, really I'll take care of it," she muttered, guilt filling her mind as she saw the tears in Emma's eyes, "Why are you crying?" she asked.

Emma looked at her incredulously, "Regina, I thought you were… I thought you might be dead. Your arm looks awful, there's so much blood, I thought… I just… I didn't…" she shook her head, this was not the time to lose it, she needed to hold it together, and shit, she still had Henry downstairs, "Hey, Henry's downstairs… please stay here, I need to send him to the diner, then I'll come and clean you up."

Regina clenched her teeth, "I told you, I'm fine, I'll take care of it," but Emma was already on her way out the door.

"Hey kid, she's alright," Emma lied, "She's just feeling ill, and tired, and, anyway I think I'll stay with her, are you alright to walk to Granny's?"

Henry frowned, her mom seemed uncertain, "Are you sure? Can I help?"

"No," Emma reassured him, "No, we'll be fine, really. Go on, get on your way, Snow will meet you there."

Henry shrugged, "Alright, tell her I miss her though, okay?"

Emma forced herself to smile, "Yeah, of course. I'll see you later, don't drink too many milkshakes," she gave the boy a quick hug and closed the door after him.

Regina stood at her bedroom door, hearing Henry's voice float up the stairs as he enquired about her well-being. She lent her head against the door frame, tears welling in her eyes, which she wiped away angrily. What the hell was happening to her? She sat on the edge of the bed and put her head in her hands.

"Hey," Emma took Regina's hand and saw the cuts on it, "Jeez, what were you thinking?"

Regina raised her face to Emma's, "I just wanted it to stop," she whispered.

Emma's eyes melted, "What is going on, Regina? You need to talk about it," she began bandaging the brunette's arm, wincing each time Regina showed pain.

Regina nodded, "I've never been one for talking," she mumbled, "I've never even been one for feeling," she continued, "and the only one that ever made me feel was Henry. I loved him the moment I held him, and that love only grew as he did, but I was still…" she paused, "guarded. Henry's just a boy and, at least until recently, I could still be distant with him… I didn't have to expose myself," she shook her head and glanced up at Emma as if checking that she was listening and she was intently, there was something in the other woman's eyes that told her she could continue, "But he's growing up and he sees through me. And then you arrived and things got so complicated and I was still trying so hard not to feel and it's like all of a sudden, all those…feelings have just come to the surface and I don't know how to deal with them," she finished, shrugging.

Emma nodded, "That makes sense."

"It does?" Regina asked, wide eyed as she looked down at her now firmly bandaged arm.

"Sure, you buried everything for a really long time, Regina, pretended you were some kind of emotionless robot, it makes sense that it would simmer out eventually."

"You're a psychiatrist now?" Regina asked, but not in the same scathing tone she had the other day and continued before Emma had a chance to answer, "You said…you'd seen people with these kind of…problems before. Did any of them…" she trailed off, staring at her arm, "Did any of them do this?" she held up her arm.

Emma nodded, "Yes…they did," she screwed up her eyes for a moment, "I did too," she admitted, "A long time ago."

Regina blinked, "You? But you're so…"

Emma tilted her head to the side, "So what?"

"So good," Regina muttered.

Emma shrugged, "All kinds of people self-harm, and in different ways too. The drinking, that's a form of it too. I mean, I guess it depends on why you do it, if you do it because you're trying to numb something or escape something, then it's basically self-harm."

"You know a lot about this," Regina noted.

"Yeah, I guess," Emma shrugged again, "And hey, you're not a bad person. Good people suffer too," she smiled warmly at the brunette.

Regina nodded weakly, "Usually under the hand of evil though," she mumbled.

Emma frowned before her eyes widened, "Do you regret the things you did as the Evil Queen?" she asked softly.

Regina broke eye contact, "Perhaps," she mused quietly, "But I have done many, many evil things, more than you know about and I don't think I can ever change the core of who I am – the Evil Queen."

"You put the "Evil" there, Regina, you can take it away," Emma said.

Regina quirked an eyebrow; "That is very wise," she cleared her throat, "I… Emma, I would like to," she paused, "Hm," she cleared her throat again, "I would like to say thank you."

Emma couldn't help the smile that broke out over her face, "That was hard for you, wasn't it?"

Regina blushed as she rolled her eyes, "Yes, it was," she muttered, "But you have been…very helpful lately and I-I, well, I appreciate it."

"I almost expect some of these sentences to end with Miss Swan, you get very formal sometimes, you know."

Regina couldn't hold back a small smile, "Well, if you would prefer, Miss Swan – "

"No," Emma laughed briefly, "No, I like knowing the…real you."

"Emma?" Regina asked, any hint of a smile vanishing from her face and a certain darkness clouding her eyes.

"What is it?" Emma asked curiously.

"Can you… I mean, would you be able to teach me how to be good?" she whispered.

Emma's eyes widened and she pulled Regina into her arms, cradling her head in her chest as she felt a tear course down her cheek as she swallowed hard.

"You don't need to be taught to be good, Regina," she whispered, "But I can support you if you'd like, be your friend, help you get all these feelings out," she finished, and felt Regina nod in her chest, "I'd really, really like you to let me take you to get Dr Whale to check out these injuries," she touched Regina's arm gently.

"I don't want Henry to know," Regina whispered, her voice cutting in and out between fighting back tears.

Emma nodded, "I know, so if we can get Whale to stitch them, they'll heal faster, I promise."

Regina pulled her head out of the blonde's chest and looked up at her, "Okay," she agreed after a moment, "But, Emma, I have one more favour to ask," she asked, averting her eyes.

"What is it?" Emma questioned, still holding the fragile mayor in her arms.

"Do you think… Are you able to stay with me tonight?" she couldn't look Emma in the eye as she finished, "I just don't want to be alone."

Emma put a hand under Regina's chin and forced her to look her in the eye, "Of course I will stay. Any time you need. I can bring Henry here any time and we can all stay. And Regina, you are not alone anymore, I promise."


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

"Alright, I'm off for the night, I'll be around at some point tomorrow," Emma hoisted a night bag over her shoulder as she made it to the door.

"You're out again? At Regina's?" Snow asked, frowning at her daughter.

Emma nodded, "Yeah, Henry's at a sleep over with a new friend from school so thought I'd head over there," she stated nonchalantly.

Snow uncrossed her arms taking a step forward, "Emma," she sighed, "Are you going to tell us what's going on?"

Emma shook her head, "I've told you, it's not my business to tell."

Snow scowled failing to keep her jealousy in check, "It's been weeks. I know you guys bonded over Henry in Neverland…"

"You don't need to be jealous…mom," Emma sighed; she didn't always call Snow mom, but she thought it might ease the jealousy her mother was obviously feeling, "I'm just giving her a chance, following after my mother," she smiled at Snow.

"You are trying to make me feel better," Snow noticed, grimacing, "Thank you," Snow continued, persisting "It just seems like you're spending all your time with her, that's all."

Emma grinned back, "She just needs a friend at the moment and strangely enough, she doesn't exactly have many to turn to."

Snow nodded, "Well, that's true. I suppose I should proud of you for being such a good friend… but, I have to ask, honey. Is it…more than that?"

The blonde's eyebrows shot up, "What the hell does that even mean?"

"Well, I understand being a friend but you spend every other night there," Snow observed.

"Oh," Emma said, "Well, yeah I am because she just needs some help at the moment," she knew she was being cryptic but really, it wasn't her story to tell and Regina would hate it if Emma told her mother of all people what she was going through.

"So you're not…" Snow left the question hanging.

Emma threw her hands up, "Not what? _With_ Regina? What would make you even ask that? I've never talked about a woman like that before… Hang on," something clicked in Emma's brain, "Has Regina had a relationship with a woman before? Back in the Enchanted Forest?" unconsciously, she leant forward, her curiosity getting the better of her.

Snow crossed her arms and shifted on her feet, "I think so," she shrugged, "She had…women sent to her chambers. It was assumed for…" again, she left the sentence hanging.

Emma knew she shouldn't have but she laughed, "Oh," she composed herself, "Well no, the Queen is not having her way with me," she ignored Snow's flinching, "I'm just helping her out."

Regina heard the doorbell faintly but she was half-asleep and wasn't alert enough to realise it required action. She continued snoozing, barely aware of her surroundings.

It was lucky they had a system and Emma knew where Regina hid the spare key, so she unlocked the door and headed up the stairs. It was only noon; Regina never seemed to be up before then these days so her bedroom was an easy bet.

She got to the door and sure enough, there was Regina curled up under the covers, breathing lightly. She couldn't help smiling a little; the brunette looked so peaceful and relaxed when she slept. Emma set off down the stairs to make her friend a coffee before returning.

"Regina," she sang, waving the coffee under the brunette's nose, laughing to herself quietly.

"Mm," Regina sniffed a few times and opened her eyes groggily, putting a hand out but Emma moved away and placed the coffee on a chest of drawers a couple of metres from the bed, "That's mean," she mumbled, fighting her heavy eyelids.

"I know," Emma sighed, "But it's midday and you have that appointment at one thirty. I thought you'd want some time to get yourself awake."

Regina groaned, "Stupid insect," she grumbled.

Emma smiled, "Hey, Archie might help, just give him a shot."

"I'm going, aren't I?"

Emma couldn't help feeling relived; she had been worried that Regina would pull out, "Yes," she nodded, "You are. Thank you," she said sincerely

"You didn't have to come over to accompany me there you know," Regina could see right through the younger woman.

"Didn't I?" Emma quirked an eyebrow at the other woman, seeing right through her façade as well. The two of them were getting quite good at this.

Regina sighed and was silent for a moment, "You can read me quite well, can't you?"

That made Emma smile proudly, "Yup," she smiled widely, "Sure can."

Regina rolled her eyes and smiled back as she sat up and reached her coffee, taking a sip, "You've gotten quite good at getting this right," she held up the cup, "I am impressed."

Emma chuckled, "Well, your critique's were very harsh," she stated, "You're lucky I didn't take them personally," she replied smiling slyly.

Regina nodded wordlessly, and after a while muttered dishearteningly, "I should get ready."

"I just feel…" Regina struggled for words, looking at the door to Doctor Hopper's office, wanting to run through it, "everything," she finished, deflated.

Archie's eyebrows knitted together, "What do you mean by that? That you feel everything?"

"Well, I never used to let myself feel very much at all," Regina was upright, speaking in a formal manner; it really was the only way she knew how to speak to most people, "And now, I suppose, I am feeling more than I ever have before and most of it is not…pleasant."

The doctor nodded, "I see. Supressed feelings can cause a great deal of emotional upset when they arise."

"Supressed…what is that? Like repressed?" Regina questioned.

"Ah, there is a slight difference that not all are aware of," Archie informed, "You see when someone represses a memory or a feeling, they are not aware that they are doing so. It is an unconscious action, however when somebody supresses a memory, or feeling it is done purposefully, a conscious decision to block out some kind of pain or unpleasantness. Correct me if I'm wrong, Regina, in assuming that you supressed your feelings for a long time."

Regina blinked slowly, mulling things over in her mind, "Yes," she finally decided, "I suppose that would be accurate. Ever since… Daniel, I made a decision that love was weakness, feelings were… and so I suppose I made a decision…"

"To cut off any emotional connection you had to anyone," Archie said quietly, "Including yourself."

Regina shrugged, "Right, well I will overcome it, right? It will go away," she assumed with much more confidence than she thought. She forgot sometimes that she was no longer these townspeople's evil queen, a figure to be feared and revered. She had to remind herself countless times during this session that it was okay to talk to the ins…to Archie.

"Well, if it had you probably wouldn't be sitting in front of me now, would you? Emma seemed…concerned when she talked to me."

"She is like her mother, a worrier," Regina replied, more fondly than she meant to.

That made Archie smile, "It is nice that you have been able to overcome your differences with her. Now, on to your day to day functioning, how are these feelings affecting you?"

Regina sat quietly for a long time and the doctor let her, fully aware that the woman was having an internal battle within herself, not an unusual thing for him to witness in the mayor. Archie had seen Regina many times when he had been treating Henry, sometimes about Henry and sometimes about herself, but she had never quite opened up the way she was today.

Eventually, Regina sighed, "I cannot get out of bed," she admitted, her eyes downcast, "I suppose I'm not really eating very well…or leaving the house," she let out a heavy sigh again, mostly in annoyance of herself, "I can't take care of Henry properly, he is staying with Emma and her parents most of the time. He notices my…moods. I cry a lot. I think a lot…or not at all, my brain either races or it's fuzzy," she shrugged, forcing every word out, "And a couple of weeks ago, I uh…" she paused, unaware that her left hand had made it's way to her right arm and was playing with the material of her jacket, "I…" she swallowed once again, "I cut my arm…quite badly."

Archie breathed out slowly; this was not what he had wanted to hear, he had hoped that the sheriff had been over-reacting (though he had doubted it, knowing the sheriff to be an intelligent woman) but it seemed she had not, "Okay, Regina. Your arm, has someone had a look at it?"

Regina nodded, "Yes, Emma…found me in bed and patched me up… Then she took me to the hospital and I got some stitches," she was speaking quietly, ashamedly now.

"Okay," Archie smiled, even though the brunette could hardly look at him, "Regina, I can help, you just have to let me."

"You gonna tell me what he said?" Emma asked after they'd driven in silence for a few minutes.

Regina sighed and pulled some bottles out of her bag, "Pills," she replied, "This world's magic, I suppose?"

Emma smiled, "Magic?" she shook her head, "Right, anti-depressants?" she asked.

"Yes, anti-depressants. Are you an expert on these too?" her voice was flat.

Emma looked over at her and had to force herself to look back at the road, "No, I'm not an expert. But I do know people who have been on them and felt better," she smiled, "So I really hope that they can do the same for you."

"Apparently, I have lots of wonderful side effects to look forward to," she muttered, reading a leaflet that came with the bottle.

"Well, lucky you've got me to take care of you huh?" Emma smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yes…lucky," Regina replied quietly, "I would like to pick Henry up from school today."

Emma parked the car, "Okay, sure."

"I would like to tell him…what is going on with me," Regina continued.

Emma frowned, "Regina – "

"He is my son. I would guess that he is asking questions," Regina stated, raising her eyebrows at the blonde.

Emma nodded, "Yeah, he is," she admitted, "He's a smart kid."

Regina smiled, "He is. I will talk to him, appropriately, of course and I would like you to be there."

"Of course," Emma agreed as the two entered the mansion, "Would you like some tea?"

Regina's eyes had already skittered to the stairs; she was tired, all she really wanted was a nap and just thinking about it was making her eyes heavy and her brain slow down to that fuzzy feeling.

"An hour," Emma could see what was on the brunette's mind.

"Are you sure?" Regina asked weakly.

"Yeah, it's fine, really. I'll wake you in an hour and we'll go get Henry."

"Mom! And mom!" Henry hugged Regina and then Emma, "You're both here!"

Regina smiled, "I've missed you, Henry," she put his hand in his hair and then ran her hand over his cheek, pulling him into another hug.

"Are you okay, mom?" Henry asked as he pulled away, looking at her with worry.

That upset Regina; she bent down and put a hand under her son's chin, "I am okay," she replied, "Why don't we head to Granny's and catch up?"

Henry smiled and nodded, "Okay!"

"What am I? Chop liver?" Emma exclaimed, pretending to pout at the lack of attention.

Regina rolled her eyes but Henry laughed and took his mom's hand as they made their way to Granny's.

"So…are you still sad mom?" Henry asked, sipping on his drink and watching Regina carefully.

Regina closed her eyes and her eyes flickered to Emma before back to her son upon opening, "A little," she admitted, "But Archie is trying to help me. I guess it's more than just a little bit sad, Henry, it's kind of like when you have a cold, you know? And your nose gets all stuffy and your head hurts and your throat is sore? But, it's with my mood instead and so it makes me tired and not hungry and sad…"

"So…do you take some medicine?" Henry asked.

Regina nodded, "Yeah, Archie gave me some medication but it might take a little while to take effect."

"Is that why you keep crying and you wouldn't cook lasagne?" Henry asked.

Regina swallowed hard, "Yes, dear, that's why I keep crying. And yes, it's why I find it hard to do every day things…like cook lasagne."

"But why? What are you so sad about?" his face fell, "Did I do something, was it in Neverland – "

"No!" Regina jumped in quickly, "You didn't do anything, Henry. I'm just sad…because I realise the things I have done to people have been cruel…and horrible. Evil," she sighed, again feeling tears prick her eyes.

"You're not evil anymore, mom," Henry replied confidently and took her hand in his, "And I love you."

A tear found it's way out of Regina's eye but she squeezed her son's hand, "And I love you, Henry, so very much. And I will get well, it might just take a little while but I want to see you as much as I can… It's just for now, it's not good for you to stay with me. I can't look after you like I should…"

"But," Emma interrupted, "If I stay at the mansion, then we can all stay together. I can look after both of you," she smiled warmly at them both.

Regina nodded, "Yeah, how would you like that Henry? Can you deal with having two mom's telling you to do your chores?" she teased gently.

Henry rolled his eyes but nodded, "It's nice that you guys are friends now, I like it but can I ask you something?"'

Regina and Emma looked at each other; "Sure, kid," Emma replied as Regina nodded, albeit looking apprehensive.

"There's this boy in my class and he's got two dad's. So, does that mean true love can be between two boys or two women too?" he looked at them expectantly with wide, innocent eyes.

Regina looked to Emma, who answered, "Well, yeah, sure. It doesn't always have to be prince's and princesses, kid. People can fall in love with whoever they want," she shrugged, "And you shouldn't judge people for who they love."

"Very politically correct," Regina muttered with a smile on her lips.

"Right," Henry scratched his head, "Cause when he told me, I said I have two mom's and he asked me if you were married."

Emma laughed, ignoring the withering glare she received from Regina but quieting down, "No, we're not married or together. Your mom and I are just friends."

Henry nodded, "Cool, hey," he looked past the two women, "David's here, can I go say hi?"

Emma nodded and the kid jumped out of his seat and ran over to his grandfather.

"How are you doing?" Emma asked.

"Well, two very interesting conversations with my son later, and I'm actually okay," Regina smiled, sweeping her hair out of her face.

"Yeah…two dad's…two mom's…" she mused, a smirk on her face.

Regina rolled her eyes, "Well, your world has this tendency to skirt around or completely omit any gay fairy tales, and that is where he gets most of his life lessons from so I suppose he would have questions."

"There are gay fairy tales?" Emma looked curious, leaning forward.

Regina chuckled, "Of course there are, Emma. Homosexuality is not just something your world made up, you know."

Emma shrugged sheepishly, "Sure, you're right," she hesitated, "Speaking of whi…," she decided to change tact, "Can I ask you something?"

"Emma, I will not tell you where babies come from, that is your mother's job," Regina was shocked herself; had she just made a joke?

Emma looked surprised but laughed nonetheless, "Did you just make a joke?"

"Yes and a rather good one if I may say so myself," Regina smiled, more pleased with herself than she had been in a while.

Emma shook her head, chuckling, "Indeed. Anyway, the question … were you… in fairy tale land, ahem," she cleared her throat, trying to find the right words to ask, "Um. Were you…"

Regina's brow furrowed, "What, Emma? Have you heard some story about the Evil Queen again?"

Emma smiled meekly, "Well, yeah," she bit her lip.

"And what have I supposedly done now?" Regina sighed, playing with her own fingers as she watched the younger woman shift awkwardly in her seat.

Emma nibbled her lip a little longer, "Well…I was told that maybe you…sometimes had women sent to your room for… you know, company."

Regina rolled her eyes, "And so what if I did?"

Emma's eyebrows shot up at the confident answer, "Oh."

Regina's face held an amused smile, "Does that shock you, dear?"

Emma shrugged, "I've just never seen you look at women that way," she replied self-consciously.

Regina shrugged, "Perhaps nobody in this little town is my type."

Emma nodded and after a few moments of painful silence burst out, "You kissed me," and then bit her tongue, feeling like an idiot and feeling the heat on her cheeks.

Regina fixed her with a stony glare at first but it quickly softened, "Yes, I did. I was feeling…alone and I wanted to feel close to…to you," she looked away as she continued, "I don't always know how to verbalise my feelings…"

"You're getting much better at it," Emma encouraged earning a smile.

"I suppose I am improving… thanks to you, Emma," she finished quietly.

Emma gently squeezed the other woman's hand before Henry ran back up to the two women.

"Hey, David's going to take me over to Mark's place," he said, wrapping his arms around Emma, "See ya tomorrow," and around Regina, "It was good to see you mom, you seem happier today, it's nice seeing you smile."

Regina smiled and held Henry's hand, "I love you, my little prince," and she kissed him on top of his head, "You have fun at your friend's place."

Regina lay on the couch as the smell of something spicy drifted in from the kitchen. She was tired, it had been a long day, a rare good day in amongst a lot of bad, lately, but she could feel herself coming down and thought maybe, once again, the best defence was to sleep. So she closed her eyes, just for a moment, the television buzzing quietly in the background of her mind.

"Hey," Emma started, holding up a dish when she saw Regina snoozing and set it down on the table as she lent down to the brunette, "Regina?"

"I'm awake," Regina grumbled, "Unfortunately."

"Good, then you can try my amazing cooking," Emma smiled gently as they walked over to the dining table.

"I'm not hungry," Regina spoke quietly.

"I know, just have a little bit. I don't think you're eating enough, that's why you have no energy," Emma realised too late she sounded like she was trying to be an expert again.

Regina merely sighed, "I know, you're right."

Emma was happy that Regina ate half her bowl, but concerned that she was hardly speaking more than one-word answers. She supposed the older woman was tired, it had been a busy day with draining conversations.

"Thank you for dinner, dear," Regina set her cutlery down.

"No worries, was it alright? I know I'm no Regina 'Apple Turnover' Mills when it comes to the kitchen."

Regina's eyes widened at the possibly distasteful joke, "It was quite nice for a jar meal," she replied, not realising how much of a snob she sounded until the words were out, "Sorry," she sighed, lowering her head.

Emma shrugged, "It's cool, it's true, why don't you go to bed?"

"I should help you clean up," Regina protested.

Emma looked around the kitchen, "Hey, it's only the two of us, it'll take me ten minutes to do," she shrugged, "I don't mind, honestly."

Regina stood for a moment looking at the blonde before she resigned, nodded, "Thank you, Emma. Good night," and trudged up the stairs.

It must have been about midnight when Emma awoke to the sound of the older woman crying in the room next to hers. It was a horrible sound, she could tell Regina was trying to hold it back so it would only escape in violent sobs and sniff's. It hurt just to listen to.

Emma crawled out of bed and made her way to the brunette's room, opening the door quietly to see Regina hugging her blanket tight with a tear stained face, still sobbing uncontrollably, not showing any sign that she knew Emma was standing there watching her.

"Regina," Emma said softly, unsure of what she should even say, "What is it? Tell me what's going on?" she sat on the edge of the bed and gingerly put a hand on Regina's shoulder.

"I – I'm sorry, did I wake you?" Regina half whispered, half sobbed.

"Don't worry about it," Emma whispered back, moving her hand to Regina's hair, which caused the woman to startle a little and look up at her with those dark but red, bloodshot eyes.

"I don't know what's wrong, I just feel so low," Regina admitted, still trying to swallow her sadness away.

"What can I do?" Emma asked with all the sincerity she had present in her eyes.

Regina was silent for a moment and Emma just sat there with her; she'd never been great at the whole comforting thing but seeing Regina of all people break down was heart-wrenching.

"Just stay with me," Regina whispered so softly Emma hardly heard it but she felt Regina grab her hand and tug, and then put a hand on her shoulder and pull Emma into a lying position next to her. Regina burrowed into Emma's shoulder, soaking it with her tears and though Emma was surprised by their sudden closeness, she wrapped her arms tightly around Regina's body, pulling her close.

"I'm not going anywhere," she whispered, giving her a squeeze.

Regina only sniffed in reply, squeezing her eyes shut and waiting for sleep to come, or the pain to end, perhaps if one came the other would too, but it was not until the early hours of the morning that her body finally fell asleep from pure exhaustion and that was Emma finally let her own heavy lids close too, still laying with a protective arm around Regina.

Regina awoke with a jolt, as though waking up from a nightmare she couldn't remember and confusion at what her head was rested on, before she remembered and sighed. She had a hand laying across Emma's stomach and self-consciously pulled it back as the woman stirred beneath her.

"Morning," Emma said sleepily and couldn't help smiling at the way Regina broke all physical contact and rolled onto her back beside her instead.

"Morning," Regina muttered back, "I'm sorry about last night."

"Don't apologise, Regina," Emma exclaimed, "Did you get some sleep?"

Regina shrugged, "A bit, I think," she rubbed her eyes as she sat up, yawning.

"It's early, you can go back to sleep if you like," Emma replied as she stood up, "I've gotta go into the station for a few hours, make sure everything's running smoothly without me on their tails," she grinned, "But call me if you need to, yeah?"

Regina nodded, "I'll be fine. You can't take care of me forever, Emma," she plastered on a fake smile before she put her head back on the pillow as Emma left the room. She felt like an idiot, but she couldn't help it. She didn't understand, yesterday had been a good day but it was like her mood just plummeted… She shook her head viciously, she just needed to snap out of this, put herself in a good mood. She could do that.

Emma pulled out her phone and stared at the blank screen. She didn't want to over reach her responsibility…or whatever it was she was doing with Regina and smother her, but she was worried. It was just hard to find the line between making sure the mayor was safe and –

"Hello, sherrif," a beaming Regina stood in front of her, dragging her out of her thoughts.

"Hey, everything okay?" Emma asked.

"Sure," Regina replied, "I bought you lunch," she set down a container on the desk, "to say thank you."

Emma smiled, "You didn't have to, but thanks," she opened the container, "Yum, you cooked for me? Wow, thanks."

Regina grinned, "No worries, it was nice to cook again. Anyway, I should get going," she looked at her watch.

"Oh, do you have plans?" Emma questioned.

"Uh-huh," Regina nodded, "I'm going shopping," she stated, "Retail therapy. I read about it on the internet."

Emma laughed, "You do know that's not a scientifically proven treatment, right?"

Regina rolled her eyes, chuckling, "Of course I do. I'm not that out of touch with your world, Emma. But I do need a new wardrobe for the winter," she shrugged, "Do you think you could bring Henry over for dinner, tonight?"

Emma nodded, "Sure, we could swing by about, say, 6? Do you want me to pick something up on the way?"

Regina shook her head, "No, I'll cook."

Emma frowned, looking at the lunch Regina had cooked her, "Are you sure you're up for that?"

The brunette beamed, "I want to cook lasagne for my son again, I'll see you this evening," and with a quick nod she turned on heel and left.

Emma frowned; this was good, right? Regina was cooking again, going shopping, surely this was better than her spending all day in the mansion drinking and sleeping? So why did she have a niggling feeling in the back of her head? No, she thought, this was good. Regina needed to get back in the swings of things, so hopefully she would enjoy her shopping and hey, Emma could always cook if Regina was too tired by the evening anyway. It would be nice to spend some time with Henry and his mother without Regina being stressed, for once.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

"Whoa, you know there's only three of us, right?" Emma had followed the mayor into the kitchen which smelt delicious and had enough cooking for an army.

"Yeah mom, there's enough here for all of Storybrooke," Henry exclaimed as he put his bag down and gave her a hug, "Smells good, though."

Regina beamed, "Good, why don't you go set the table?"

Henry nodded and busied himself with getting the cutlery out before he ran out of the kitchen into the dining room.

"Whoa, mom, is any of this for me? You did a lot of shopping," his voice rang out from the dining room.

Emma followed the sound of her son's voice into the dining room to see the room littered with at least twenty different plastic and paper bags, "Whoa," she whispered, "Um, Henry why don't you go play your video game until dinner's ready?"

Henry shrugged and left the room.

Emma wandered back into the shopping, "So," she started, "How'd the retail therapy go?"

"It was great, and yes I did get something for Henry," she tasted a spoon of sauce, "You too, actually."

Emma raised her eyebrows, "You got something for me?"

Regina smiled, "You're going to love it. Actually I got your mom a new scarf too, I know she has so many but I saw it and – "

"Whoa, you got my mom something?" Emma's jaw dropped, "What is going on Regina? I mean, there's like twenty bags in there, and you don't buy stuff for me? And you definitely don't buy stuff for my mom, no matter how nice you're trying to be. I mean, how much did you spend?"

Regina shrugged, "Money is not an issue for me, Emma, you know that."

"Yeah, I know that," Emma nodded, "But still…it's too much. And you're cooking for like thirty people."

Regina threw her wooden spoon onto the bench, "I don't understand you, Emma. I'm depressed and you try to get me moving, now I'm moving and you say it's too much."

Emma thought carefully before she spoke, "No, of course I want you to be happy okay? It's just you've gone from one extreme to the other, I don't think that's healthy either."

Regina rolled her eyes, "Henry," she called out, turning away from Emma, "Dinner is ready, dear."

"This is great mom," Henry said, taking his second piece of lasagne, "I've really missed your cooking."

"Just my cooking?" Regina asked, looking at her son fondly.

Henry smiled, "I miss beating you on the playstation. Emma's pretty good."

Emma grinned proudly, "Pretty good, kid? Come on, I'm totally awesome."

Regina rolled her eyes, "Well, I may not be able to blast aliens or whatever the point of those games are, but I did get you a present."

Henry's eyes shined with the excitement of a boy on Christmas, "Cool, what is it?"

Regina grabbed a big bag and handed it to her son, "Here," she smiled.

Henry opened it quickly, "New shoes! They look so fancy though. I know this brand, the rich kid at school has them and everyone think he's really cool."

"Well, now you can be really cool," Regina smiled happily, "But wait, there's more, but this one might not excite you so much."

Henry shrugged and opened another bag, "Clothes? Mom, I'm thirteen," he rolled his eyes, "But I mean, thanks."

"Manners, dear," she smiled at him, "One more."

"More? It's not my birthday, mom," Henry frowned, opening up a bag of new video games, "I mean, this is awesome but why are you buying so much?"

"Good question, kiddo," Emma looked at Regina with a quirked eyebrow.

"Does there have to be a reason? I love you," Regina looked hurt.

"I love you too, mom," Henry stood up and gave his mom a hug but he was still confused; sure, his mom had always spoilt him but this was a lot even for her, "It's not like I'm going to forget you or something. You don't have to buy me all this stuff, I just want…you."

Regina nodded, "Well, I'm here, see. Back and better than ever."

Emma frowned, "Hey, Henry could you clear the dishes, get started on the washing up? I'll be in in a moment."

Henry grumbled but he knew by now that when Emma asked him to leave the room like that that she wanted to talk to his mom; probably about why she'd done so much shopping, it _was_ weird. So he shuffled out of the room collecting the dishes from the table.

"Regina..." Emma hesitated.

"What? You want your presents too?" Regina teased.

Emma sighed as her shoulders dropped, "No," she shook her head, "I want to talk to you."

Regina shuffled her chair closer to Emma's, "Talk? We could do something else instead," she pulled Emma's chair towards her and planted a kiss on her lips enthusiastically, putting a hand on Emma's cheek.

Emma kissed back for a moment but stopped herself quickly, pushing the brunette away, "No. What are you doing? Henry is like ten feet away. And you're…I have no idea," she stood up, "But you're not you."

Regina rolled her eyes, "You're over-reacting, Emma. I'm fine."

"No, you're not," Emma stated firmly, "Just… Maybe you should get some sleep."

"I'm not tired," Regina replied coldly, "I'm wide awake, actually," she muttered, "Maybe I'll make desert," she decided, standing up.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Regina," Emma didn't mean to snap or yell but she did both, "Just slow down. You're on some kind of high."

Regina laughed briefly, "I don't do drugs, Miss Swan."

"I know that," Emma sighed, "I mean, some kind of natural…chemical high."

"Well, if it's natural, there's nothing wrong with it," Regina retorted.

"No, that's not right at all. Please, just, why don't we watch a movie or something? We can take care of the dishes in the morning."

Regina could see the concern in the blonde's eyes and because of that she nodded, "Sure, but don't let Henry pick the movie, please."

Emma smiled, "Deal."

Regina sighed angrily; both Emma and Henry had fallen asleep watching the movie that she had picked out yet she was wide awake. Too awake in fact, it was beginning to hurt her head. She wanted to sleep but she couldn't stop moving as she cleaned up the dishes from dinner and wiped down the entire kitchen. Twice.

Perhaps Emma was right, she started to think, maybe this energy, this buzz she was feeling wasn't normal. She glanced at the clock, it was midnight; she'd never been one for staying up particularly late and she was exhausted but she could feel her heart thumping in her chest, even in her ears.

She walked back into the lounge and over to Emma, bending down on her knee's and shaking her shoulders gently until she stirred.

"Regina?" she said sleepily, shaking herself awake, "Did I fall asleep?"

The brunette nodded, "Yeah, you did," she paused, "You were right. I feel weird," she spoke quietly.

Emma sat up, looking concerned, "Weird how?" she asked.

Regina shrugged, "I don't know. I'm tired but my head is spinning so fast I can't even close my eyes, my heart is going so fast I feel like it will explode," she unconsciously put a hand on her heart, "I just want to sleep."

Emma frowned, "Maybe those meds aren't working so well for you," she said, looking over at Henry and standing up, pulling Regina into the kitchen to move the conversation away from their sleeping son.

"But I was happy today," Regina protested, "I felt good buying all that stuff."

Emma shook her head, "Regina, you went well over the top, can't you see that?"

Regina shrugged, "Maybe. What's so wrong with spoiling my son?" she said defensively.

Emma sighed and took Regina's hand in her own, "Regina…you bought my mom a present," she said evenly.

Regina's face took a moment to catch up before it contorted with disgust, "Ugh, why would I do that?"

Emma couldn't help smiling, "Exactly," she spoke softly, "Come on, let's go for a run or something. Tire you out so you can get some sleep, then go to the doctor tomorrow."

Regina looked at the blonde incredulously, "You're very authoritarian, Miss Swan."

Emma blushed, "Well, I am sheriff," she shrugged.

"I don't like to run," Regina said stubbornly.

The blonde rolled her eyes, "Well, do you want to sleep or not? Your body needs to tire itself out."

Regina's face lit up suddenly and she pulled the sheriff closer, "We could wear ourselves out in a different way," she mumbled.

Emma sighed, "You're only saying this because you feel…how did you put it? 'Weird'".

Regina looked hurt, "No," she frowned, "That's not true," she admitted, "I find you very…easy to look at."

Emma screwed up her eyes, trying to figure out the brunette, "Well, thanks," she said stupidly, pausing, "You're not so bad yourself. But… I don't want to take advantage, not when you're like this, not when you're sick."

The brunette sighed, "Forever the do-gooder," she rolled her eyes, "Fine, let us run then."

Emma was shocked at the change in decision but grinned, "Cool, let's."

Regina collapsed on her bed, still puffing from the run. She hadn't realised how unfit she was, or furthermore how fit Emma was. Especially in that tank top with those biceps showing and… She scolded herself sleepily, but the truth was she'd given up fighting her feelings for Emma Swan, especially since she'd been so…protective of her throughout this, whatever it was, that was going on within her mind.

She yawned one last time and pulled the covers tight.

Emma poked her head into Regina's room and was relieved to see the woman was sleeping. She looked peaceful when she slept, Emma thought, before yawning herself.

"Mom?"

She turned around to see Henry at her side.

"Hey, kid," she put an arm around his shoulders.

"Hey, I woke up and you guys were gone, is everything okay?" he asked.

Emma smiled, "Yeah, it is. You should get to bed, it's late."

Henry yawned, "So should you," he shot back but headed to his room, "Night mom."

"Night, kid," she said.

She should go to bed too, she thought, and showed herself to the guest room. She sure was beginning to feel at home here, she thought, who ever would have thought? It almost felt like they were a little family. She laughed at herself; that sounded stupid, she thought, but couldn't hide the fact that the feeling made her feel kind of warm. And fuzzy.

Hang on. Was she really falling, and hard, for Regina Mills? She knew Regina had expressed certain…wants, but she'd never known how seriously to take her when she hadn't exactly been herself lately.

She sighed, and emptied her mind, or tried to anyway, letting her eyes close.

Regina glanced at the clock, it was only nine. That was early for her these days, but she pushed herself up and crawled out of bed, yawning as she entered the kitchen.

"Morning," she mumbled to the blonde sitting on the couch, eating cereal.

Emma looked up, "Hey, you sleep okay?"

Regina nodded, "I guess a run was a good idea," she admitted, "Is Henry okay? Did he get to school alright?"

Emma smiled, "Yeah, he did. Wore his new shoes too."

Regina shook her head, "Ugh, good. They cost me a fortune."

Emma nodded, "I can imagine. You gonna call Archie today?"

Regina frowned, "Yeah…I suppose I should," she mused, "I don't know, maybe I shouldn't take these today," she held her medication in her hand.

Emma stood up and made her way to the brunette, noting the concern on her face, "Hmm," she hummed, "I don't know, Regina… I'm no doctor. Why don't you just try call Archie now?"

Regina looked at the woman in front of her, all of a sudden wondering how it had become so normal for her to be taking advice, and even being cared for by the saviour, Emma Swan, once her worst enemy and now her… friend? More than that? She sighed.

"Okay," she simply said before picking up the phone and wandering to the couch, sitting down as she rubbed her temples and dialled into the phone.

Well, that was easy, Emma thought, smiling, quite proud of herself, truth be told. She liked it when Regina listened to her and she liked being the one to take care of her.

"These medications can affect different people in different ways," Archie explained, "And, from what you've described I would say these one's may not agree with you, but we can try others."

"How do I know the same thing won't happen?" Regina asked, unable to mask the fear and worry in her voice.

Archie frowned, "We don't, necessarily. There are risks with all types of medications, Regina. The only thing we can really do is be sure you have a strong network around to support you, just in case anything does go wrong."

Regina sighed, "That doesn't sound promising," she noted.

"It is unlikely to happen with this new medication Regina, but there are always risks. Even without that factor, at a time when your mind is more…fragile than usual, you should have a support system anyway. Are you and Emma still getting along well?"

Regina was taken aback for a moment, "Well, yes," she admitted, "She has been quite good to me throughout this whole…situation."

Archie nodded, "That's great, Regina, I'm glad. How is Henry?"

Regina looked guilty, "He is okay, I think. He worries about me…but I think he enjoys being more of a family with Miss Swan around all the time," she didn't realise how that sounded until she said it and could see the surprise on the doctor's face.

"That must be nice for him," he recovered with, smiling.

Regina was watching the television when Emma unlocked the front door and let herself in.

"You are getting rather comfortable doing that, aren't you dear?" Regina said, without turning around.

Emma wondered if this was the moment they went back to cold comments and snide remarks.

Regina stood up, "I'm very thankful to have you here, Emma," she continued.

Emma couldn't help grinning, "I'm happy to help."

Regina smiled, "You're…" she hesitated, "You're a very strong woman," she continued.

Emma tilted her head, "Thanks, Regina. But so are you, that's why you're going to get through this."

"Only with your help," Regina said quietly.

"Well, you have that," Emma smiled, nodding.

Regina smiled back, but there was a shyness to it that Emma had never seen before, "You know…when I uh, hit on you last night," she said quickly trying to skip over the words, "It wasn't just because I was… I mean, well, what I mean is… I think I, hrm…"

Emma let the brunette trip over her words for a few seconds quite enjoying the usually confident woman stumbling over her words before she interrupted, "It's okay," she said quietly, stepping into the other woman's personal space, "I know," she whispered.

Regina didn't have time to reply before the blonde pressed her lips hard against her own. It shocked Regina for a moment, but then she quickly responded, though surprisingly let the blonde take control of the kiss as she backed her against wall. The blonde has a strong grip around Regina's jawline and only bought her closer as they continued, gasping ocassionally for breath, but neither willing to pull away.

Regina had never felt so heavily in her heart, at least not for a very long time. It was an almost ache just to pull away from those lips to breathe and her hungriness was apparent to the blonde who finally pulled away.

"Shh, it's okay," she whispered as the brunette lurched forward for more and Emma placed a calming hand on her face, "I'm not going anywhere."

Regina struggled to look the blonde in the eye until Emma stole a move from Regina, placing a hand under her chin and tilting it so the brunette was looking her in the eye.

"I'm not going anywhere," she repeated firmly and stared at the other woman until after a few anxious moments, she nodded and fell into the woman's chest.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews, messages, fav's etc! These have all been pretty intense chapters so far, so I'm hoping to make next chapter a little more light-hearted, but with the topics discussed that could be a challenge! Let me know if you have any suggestions/comments, etc.**

**Sorry guys, I accidentally posted the same chapter twice somehow, here's the next chapter!**

**Chapter 4.**

Emma closed the door of the mansion behind her as she yawned.

"Are you okay, mom?" Henry asked as he walked beside her on the street.

Emma nodded distractedly, "Sure, kid, just tired that's all," she smiled reassuringly at her son.

Henry nodded, "Are you still worried about my mom?"

God, he was a perceptive kid, Emma thought, sighing, "A little," she admitted, "How was it with her last night, anyway?"

Henry shrugged, "She still seems…"

Emma's brow furrowed as she put a hand around his shoulder, "Seems what?" she asked.

"Like…I don't know," Henry grimaced, "Just not the same as she used to be."

Emma bit her lip, "It's going to take some time, Henry. She just needs us to be there for her."

"I know," Henry smiled.

Regina groaned as she woke up and stared at the clock. Time either felt too slow or too fast, she didn't understand. She had hoped to be back to herself by now, but this new medication either wasn't working or was taking it's sweet damn time. Archie had said to give it time, four weeks he'd said before she might feel any different.

Four weeks was a damn long time when you were fighting your own mood though. Sometimes it was like she couldn't feel anything at all, and other times she just felt too much. It was more than unpleasant – it was disconcerting. It scared her. And Regina was not a woman who scared easily. She was, however, a woman, who didn't like being out of control.

She heard the front door open and pulled herself out of bed, getting dressed quickly before she heard Emma coming up the stairs.

"You're up," Emma noted with a smile on her face.

"Of course," Regina shot back, "It's nearly eleven."

Emma smiled, "Yeah, it is," she tried but failed to stifle a yawn, "How are you feeling?"

"Same, same," Regina shrugged as she tentatively moved closer to the blonde.

Emma chewed her cheek, biting back a smile as the other woman invaded her space and pressed her lips against her own. She allowed herself to melt into them for a few moments as she ran a hand through brunette hair before she pulled away.

"You're tired," Regina mumbled as their faces remained inches from one another.

Emma shrugged, "I'm fine," she protested.

"I'm sorry," Regina whispered, "It's because you're worrying about me, isn't it?"

Emma thought about denying it but sighed, "I care about you, of course I'm going to worry about you. But you're going to be okay, Regina."

Regina pulled away and ran her hands through her hair, "I don't understand why these stupid pills aren't working," she said angrily.

Emma moved closer to her, but Regina only created a barrier by crossing her arms, "Time, Regina. Remember, Archie said it would take time for the new medication to take effect."

"Well, I'm sick of waiting," Regina snapped.

"I know," Emma spoke softly, "It must be frustrating. I wish I could do more for you – "

"You are not _my _saviour, Miss Swan," she hadn't addressed the blonde so harshly in a long time, "You think you can waltz in here and just fix me? You have no idea, I am beyond that. I have darkness in me that you…in all your perfectness would never understand."

Emma looked like she had been slapped, "Regina – "

Regina pushed at her, "No, just go," she was yelling now, "Leave me alone."

Emma tried to protest but Regina was pushing at her desperately now, out of her bedroom, and she didn't know what to do. Maybe she should give Regina some space right now.

"Fine," she said, "I'll be back later. Or just call me if you need to," she said, knowing that Regina probably didn't want to hear it but thinking that maybe she needed to.

"I don't need you," Regina growled, trying to convince herself more than the blonde.

"I didn't know you were going to be home today," Snow greeted her daughter with a welcoming smile.

"I just thought I'd pop over," Emma shrugged.

"I'm glad," Snow hugged her, "You haven't been around much lately," she frowned.

"Yeah, I know," Emma simply said; she still hadn't exactly filled her parents in on what was going on with Regina, but they weren't stupid.

"Is Regina okay?" Snow pried.

Emma nodded, "She's okay. It's just…" all of a sudden, she slumped onto the couch and put her head in her hands.

Snow, worried, sat next to her daughter and put a hand on her back, "What is it, darling?"

Emma sniffed and let a few tears fall out as she threw her head into her mother's arms, "I'm sorry," she shook her head as she tried to regain her composure.

"Don't apologise," Snow said softly, still not understanding exactly what was going on.

Emma tried to swallow but her throat betrayed her, letting out a sob, "She's just so broken. I want to help her, I'm trying to help her and some days she's okay but other time's she's just so down on herself and I'm worried she's giving up on herself," she blurted out through sniffles and sobs.

Snow's eyes widened, "Shh, it's okay, darling," she said soothingly, cradling the blonde against her, "Regina is a strong woman, Emma, she'll get through this. You're a good friend; I'm sure you're helping her, you're over there all the time."

Emma nodded against Snow's chest, "I'm trying," she whispered, "It's just Archie keeps trying different medications and it's so frustrating – "

"She's on medication?" Snow was shocked; the Evil Queen, always so in control of her emotions and so strong and composed… She supposed she had known that eventually Regina would unravel at the seams.

Emma nodded, "I shouldn't be telling you this, though. She doesn't want anyone to know."

Snow sighed sympathetically, "It's okay, I won't tell anyone, okay? But darling, you need to talk too. It's hard supporting someone who is going through a hard time, if you're not careful you take on all of their problems and you fall apart yourself because you don't unload on anyone."

Emma nodded; she knew that made sense and maybe that's what today was all about, she wiped her eyes, "You're right. I think I've been so busy being there for her that I forgot to take care of myself," she whispered.

"It's just about balance," Snow replied, "You'll figure it out. You're a good friend," she really was proud of her daughter, even if it was Regina that she was supporting in her time of need.

Emma hesitated, but she'd disclosed everything else, why not? "We're not just friends, mom," she said quietly, "I mean, the other night, we kissed."

Snow's eyes went round with shock, "K-Kissed?" she repeated dumbly.

Emma shrugged, "Well, yeah," she watched her mother closely, trying to gauge her reaction.

"Oh," Snow nodded slowly, "Okay. Um, I didn't even know you liked women..."

Emma crossed her arms, "Well, you did miss out on twenty eight years of my life," she regretted it the moment it fell out of her mouth and sighed, "I didn't mean that to sound so harsh. I just meant…that Regina isn't the first woman I've been interested in," she stated, pausing, "Is this an issue for you?"

Snow paused, "No," she said confidently, "No, of course not. I don't care if you like men or women."

Emma chewed her bottom lip, "Even if it's Regina?" she asked, a little nervously.

Snow sighed, "Well, I-I guess it shocks me, to be honest. But I know she's changing and I know you've always seen the good in her, not seeing her as the Evil Queen in fairy tale land. It's just not what I expected… It's fine, though, really," she sounded like she was trying to convince herself too, "Just give me some processing time," she finished weakly, with a smile.

The blonde nodded, "That's cool," she started, "I mean, I'm not going to change who I am, but I understand that I just dropped a bombshell on you, so if you need time for that, that's your thing," she shrugged.

"I love you, Emma, no matter what," Snow said softly and planted a kiss on her daughter's forehead.

Emma was walking back home when her phone rang and Regina's number flashed on the screen.

"Hey, Regina, everything okay?" she asked.

"Mm, it is," the woman sounded breathless, "Do you think you could come and pick me up?"

Emma frowned down the phone, "Of course, where are you?"

"Um, I'm up at the look out."

"Okay, is your car broken down? Do you want me to grab David's jump leads?"

"No, my car's fine," she sighed, "I walked."

"You walked all the way to the lookout?" Emma frowned, knowing that it took at least three hours to get to the highest point of town and it was all uphill.

"Well no, I started off running and then I just walked when I got tired."

Emma sighed, "I'll be there as soon I can, okay? Do you want to stay on the phone until I get there?"

The woman was still breathing hard, "No, it's okay, I'm just going to sit. I'll see you soon. Thanks, Emma."

Emma rushed home, wishing she'd driven so she could be on her way already, but she was home in a few minutes. She hopped into the bug and started the journey. She hoped Regina was okay, she couldn't help but fret over the woman; one minute she had no energy and the next she was trekking up the mountains on the edge of towns. She shook her head, this didn't make sense.

As she put her foot down on the accelerator, she felt her heart speeding up too, she really didn't like the idea of Regina being so isolated at the look out. She wondered if she should call again but convinced herself to calm down as she twisted the bug through the hills, finally arriving at the look out and frowning when she couldn't see Regina.

She jumped out of the car and looked around as she reached into her pocket for her phone, when she spotted the brunette.

"Shit," she swore when she saw Regina standing a couple of hundred feet away on a higher peak, very close to the edge. Too close for Emma's liking.

Emma skipped, hopped and jumped through the terrain to get to the other woman a little breathlessly. Regina was staring ahead blankly; she hadn't even noticed the blonde's presence. Emma moved over gravel as quietly as she could, not that Regina was paying her any attention anyway, until she was close enough to reach out and take Regina's hand.

"Hey," she said softly as she did, "You wanna step back a little?"

Regina startled and looked at Emma as though surprised she was there, "Emma," she sounded shocked too, "What are you doing here?"

Emma held back a sigh, "You called me, remember?" she said gently.

"Oh…Yeah, I did," Regina nodded, turning away from Emma again.

Emma still held her hand lightly, tightening her grip now, "Regina, please," she pulled her backwards, forcefully.

"What are you doing?" Regina asked as she looked into the concerned eyes of the blonde.

"I don't like you standing so close to the edge," Emma said, her eyes flickering to the spot Regina had been standing, "It scares me."

"Why?" Regina had a slight snarl to her voice now, "Did you think I was going to jump?"

Emma swallowed, "I don't know, I just thought… Were you?"

Regina breathed in her nose and let a heavy sigh out, "Would it really be so bad?" she replied quietly.

Emma's eyes went soft at the edges, "Please, don't say that," she tugged Regina closer so they were only inches apart, "I think you should see Archie again."

"I thought you said time…for the medication – "

"I don't know if the medication is right," Emma admitted, "It seems… You're not just down, you get so energised and then you just drop. Yesterday, you couldn't get out of bed, and today you hike up here? And then you're so disconnected, like you're not even here until I touched you…"

Regina frowned with concentration, "You don't think I have depression?" she asked.

Emma licked her lips nervously, "I'm not a doctor… I just wonder if something more is going on than we realise."

Regina nodded slowly and pulled her hand out of Emma's grip as she rolled a sleeve up, revealing a wrist full of scratches and breaking all eye contact with the blonde as tears begun to sting her eyes, "I just wanted it to stop," she whispered faintly.

Emma stared at Regina's wrist for a moment before placing her hands on it, "Wanted what to stop?" she asked, choking back tears; at least the cuts all looked superficial, like maybe they'd been done with some bark or stones.

"The thoughts," Regina whispered, "It was just going so fast, everything felt so fast, I couldn't figure anything out… It all became so blurry so I…I don't know why, I just wanted it to stop," she bit her lip, daring to bring her eyes to meet Emma's.

"Okay," Emma nodded, "It's okay," she put a hand on the back of Regina's head and pulled her into her chest, "We're going to get through this together, okay?"

Regina could feel herself shaking, "I was wrong, earlier. I'm sorry I said those things – "

"It's okay," Emma insisted, "Don't worry about it."

Regina sniffed and pulled back a little, "I was wrong though. I think you're the only one who can save me," she clenched her jaw for a moment before she kissed the blonde on the cheek, "You make me feel so safe," she whispered into her neck.

Emma closed her eyes, resting her chin on top of Regina's head, "You are always safe with me, Regina, I promise."


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5.

Regina's eyes fluttered as the light shone into her bedroom. She blinked slowly, then sat up quickly when saw Emma sleeping next to her. She frowned and put a hand on Emma's arm and shook her gently. Emma moved a little but stayed asleep.

Regina bit her lip, the blonde did look very relaxed, she thought and stopped trying to wake her for a moment to simply stare at her. Her hand went to blonde hair; it always looked so light and fresh. It smelled good too, she thought. And why did she always have to wear those damn tank tops showing off her perfect arms? She knew she might not have that brutal strength that Emma had, and so she maybe that was why she found it very attractive. Or perhaps it was just those beautiful contours, she thought. Maybe it was part of why she always felt very safe in the younger woman's arms.

She hadn't even realised her fingers tracing Emma's biceps until she began to stir beneath her touch and she quickly withdrew her hand guiltily.

Emma had seen Regina though, through slitted eyes before she opened them more fully and smiled at the brunette, "Morning," she simply said.

"Morning," Regina replied innocently, "What happened? Why are you in my bed?"

Emma shrugged, "You fell asleep in the car…so I carried you here…"

Regina's eyes went straight to the blonde's arms before re-establishing eye contact.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," Emma shrugged, "Guess I fell asleep, huh?'

Regina nodded, "Guess you did. Thank you."

"For falling asleep?" Emma rubbed her eyes, looking at the brunette dumbly.

Regina shook her head, "No, for bringing me in. For taking care of me," unconsciously her gaze moved to her own forearm and she squirmed slightly, "You've done so much for me lately. I feel like me thanking you is just going to get old soon."

Emma nodded, "Regina, honestly, I never thought I'd hear thank you from you, Regina, so I don't think it will ever get old. Plus, it's not the words, you know that right?"

Regina frowned, "What do you mean?"

Emma sighed; "When you say thank you, or sorry, or whatever… I see it in your eyes, not your words. Your eyes, they change colour with your mood, and they go all soft at the edges. You know that saying like eyes are the window into the soul," she shrugged.

The brunette sighed, "You see so much… I don't think I could ever read people like that," she hummed, "Maybe you should be a doctor," she suggested.

Emma laughed, "No, I don't think so."

"But you could," Regina insisted, "You're easy to talk to and you know how to read people. You're better than the cricket. You could do it."

Emma shook her head, "You're sweet, but I couldn't. Not everybody can get their degree from a curse, you know, some of us would have to actually study."

Regina's eyes lit up, "So, you would want to study though? If you could?"

Emma's eyes widened, "Huh? I guess, maybe eventually. I'm sheriff."'

"I know you're sheriff," Regina rolled her eyes, "But if you could be something else, what would you want to be?"

Emma blinked slowly, "I guess…" she sighed, "I guess I did always want to do something to help people. Kids probably, adolescents. But not some stuffy shirt person they wouldn't trust, some kind of…I don't know, cool, relatable mentor kind of person. I don't think that's a job though."'

Regina squinted her eyes in concentration, "Hmm, I think you could do it," she nodded confidently; finally, she thought, maybe she could help Emma too, somehow.

Emma smiled unsurely under the brunette's intense gaze, "We should get Henry to school," she said, looking at the clock.

"So, how's Regina?" Snow asked, a little tensely.

Emma chewed on some toast at Granny's, nodding happily, "She's been alright. I mean, not really," she frowned, "She's still up and down, I think maybe… but she's gonna go see Archie again, so I don't know, maybe news meds or something."

Snow watched her daughter stumble over her words, "It's okay, I know you don't want to tell me details, darling. It's fine, really," she smiled.

Emma nodded, "Thanks, mom."

"And you and her? Your relationship – "

"Oh," Emma's head dropped, "I don't know that it's a relationship. I mean, it hasn't exactly been…discussed. It's kind of just, you know, these little things keep happening," she couldn't help smiling at the memory of Regina's fingers over her skin that morning, "But…"

"But you want to be with her, don't you?" Snow asked; it was still weird, but she would always love and support her daughter. Plus, she kept reminding herself, Regina had been a lot less evil lately, and she was Henry's other mother.

Emma chewed her lip as she nodded, "Yeah," she admitted, "I do," she sighed, never having admitted it so fully to anyone before.

"So…tell her," Snow found herself encouraging her daughter.

Emma frowned, tilting her head, "Really? You think I should?"

Snow shrugged, "You really like her, I can see that, darling… And you two have been getting along so well lately, I mean you practically live there and trust me, the Regina that I knew, she didn't trust anyone so the fact that she does trust you… I think it says a lot."

Emma's eyes were round with incredulity, "So, if like, she was my true love, you would be okay with that?"

Snow blinked, "True love," she repeated; she hadn't exactly associated those words with her daughter, the Saviour and Regina, the Evil Queen, though the contrast of light and dark almost made her laugh. It really _could _seem like something from a fairy tale, "I would," she found herself saying, "But," she leaned forward, smiling, "You won't know until you tell her."

Emma sighed but smiled, "You're right, thanks mom," she stood up, taking one last swig of her coffee and pulling her beanie over her ears as she braced the walk home in the icy cold, "Maybe, I will then," she said with a wave.

Regina was tapping away on the keyboard, looking intensely at the computer screen. She nodded, resting a pen on her lip before scribbling some information down as the she heard the front door open.

"Emma?"

"Who else?" Emma emerged smiling with some groceries, "What you doing?"

"Research," Regina replied distractedly, before looking at the blonde struggle with the heavy groceries, "Oh, you need a hand?"

Regina switched the screen off and rushed to help Emma.

"Thanks, I guess I overestimated myself," she grinned as Regina took a split bag from her hands.

The brunette rolled her eyes, "You could have taken two trips to that thing you call a car, you know, you're not super woman."

Emma shrugged, "It's cold out, I didn't want to go back out. Have you stepped out there, it's like freaking Antartica, I swear I saw a penguin trying to warm up in Granny's," she smiled widely at her own joke.

Regina couldn't help smiling, "Yeah, but I think you'll miss it when summer comes around," she stated.

Emma rubbed her hands together, "No way," she claimed, "Why would I miss it?"

"Because of these," Regina took Emma's beanie off with a quick swipe.

"Hey," Emma exclaimed indignantly, trying but failing to snatch the beanie out of Regina's hands, "I like my beanie's, they keep my head warm," she pouted.

Regina laughed, "I like your beanie's too," she admitted, pulling the beanie back over the blonde's head, "They suit you," she smiled.

Emma bit her lip, watching the oblivious brunette finish unpacking the groceries, "Thanks," she grinned, stupidly.

"How was your mom?" Regina asked.

Emma frowned, "She was alright, she says hey."

"Oh, well hey to her too, I suppose," Regina shifted on her feet awkwardly, "Emma, may I ask… why do they think you spend so much time here? I mean, you practically live here and sure, there's Henry – "

"Regina, I'm really, really sorry but the other day, I kind of had a breakdown of my own," Emma admitted in a rush, "And I may have mentioned that you were struggling emotionally at the moment to Snow, but I didn't give any details or anything like that and I know that's like the last person you'd want to know but – "

"Whoa, slow down," Regina put her hands on Emma's shoulders, "Would you breathe, Emma? No, I'm not ecstatic that you told your mother about my…condition. But, you were upset…why were you upset? Was it me?"

Emma blinked slowly, "I suppose…I've just been stressed and it all got on top of me, I mean work's a bitch, and yeah, I worry about you and I care about you…and…" she stopped, pacing the kitchen now.

"I never meant to make you so stressed," Regina said guiltily, "You should go back to your parents, I'm okay now – "

"No, Regina, it's not you, it's not your condition that makes me so stressed…" Emma tried to explain, "It's just being around you…I mean," she growled in frustration at the hurt look on Regina's face, "Oh, fuck. That's not what I meant. I just mean," she swallowed, clearing her throat, "It's hard being around you and not telling you how I feel about you."

Regina's eyes lit up and she spoke slowly, "And how is that?" she led.

Emma looked at the brunette's shining eyes and smiled, taking a step closer to her and taking a hold of her shirt, pulling her close, "I really, really like you," she murmured, "And I know we've had a kiss here and a snuggle there and we flirt a bit, but I just want something more…direct."

Regina bit on her bottom lip, "I really, really like you too," she said back in a hushed voice, "Especially in your cute little beanies," she teased gently, putting a hand on the blonde's face.

Emma blushed but smiled like an idiot, "So…do you think we can be…something?"

"Do you want to be my girlfriend, Miss Swan?" Regina asked, holding back a smile.

The blonde was blushing furiously, "More than anything, madam mayor," she whispered back, pressing her lips to the other woman's.

"Are we really going to do this?" Regina asked, the fear creeping into her voice.

Emma nodded, "Yeah, we are," she pulled the other woman close, noticing her shaking, "It's okay, I'm scared too. I think I love you."

Regina burrowed her head further into Emma's chest as she relaxed slightly upon feeling those strong arms encircle her, "I love you too."

Emma's eyes cracked open to see Regina on the bed next to her with the laptop propped up in her lap. She shifted her body closer to the brunette's and nuzzled at her side.

"What are you doing?" she yawned, closing her eyes, "Why you always on the computer lately? You got a facebook?"

Regina frowned, looking down at the blonde at her side, "A face what?"

"Obviously not," Emma giggled, "Porn, then?"

Regina rolled her eyes, "No, not porn. Is this an official line of questioning, sheriff?"

Emma sulked, "Just curious," she muttered.

Regina smiled, "Okay, okay. I've been doing some research," she leaned into her bedside drawer and pulled some papers out, "For courses."

"Like study?" Emma sat up, "I didn't know you wanted to study."

The brunette shook her head, "No…not for me, for you," she said slowly, "There's so much available, Emma, and some of it is even this online or long distance stuff, but then there's a bunch of places around Maine too. I mean, you can go further than that…" she paused, "But, I don't know, New York… well, anyway – "

"What courses?" Emma asked stupidly, head tilted.

"Well, I wasn't sure exactly, so I got some on social work, youth work, disability services, case workers, mental health workers, I mean there are so many and I don't always understand the differences but I wrote down a bunch of stuff if you want to look at," Regina finished, looking at Emma expectantly.

The blonde's face broke into a grin as she took the papers, "You did this for me? That's really sweet," she bit her lip as she scanned the papers, "I will definitely look through this, maybe we can look through some more stuff together."

Regina nodded, "I'd love to," she smiled, grateful that she had been able to make Emma smile.

"Thanks, Regina, you really didn't have to…" she trailed off.

Regina shrugged, "You're always helping me, I wanted to return the favour for once."

Emma smiled and put a hand in brunette hair, "You're so sweet," she whispered before placing a quick kiss on her lips.

"And if you go to class, can you promise me something?" Regina had a devilish grin on her lips.

Emma frowned, "What?"

"Save that head-tilting when you're confused for me, it's too cute to waste on some teacher," Regina giggled.

Emma scratched her head, "Huh? What head tilting thing?"

Regina laughed harder, "Really? You don't even know you do it? Whenever you're confused, you go like…" the brunette tilted her head, still giggling, "tilt your head, it's something like a puppy would do. Which suits cause you have the biggest puppy dog eyes."

"Hey," Emma pouted, unknowingly pulling those eyes making Regina laugh and hug her tightly, "I'm not a dog."

"Not a dog," Regina nodded, "A puppy," she corrected, "An adorable, confused little puppy."

"Aw man, if that's what floats your boat," Emma murmured against the other woman's chest before pulling back to kiss her on the cheek, before she drew her tongue out and licked Regina from her collar bone up to her jaw.

"Did you just lick me?" Regina pulled back slightly.

Emma shrugged, "You called me a puppy, puppy's lick," she said proudly.

Regina bit her lip as she watched the blonde, "So adorable," she muttered.

"How adorable?" Emma asked with shining eyes.

Regina grinned and touched her on the nose, "The most adorable."

Emma smirked and ran the back of her hand over her cheek, "You're so beautiful, Regina. I love knowing this side of you."

Regina's breath hitched in her throat, "You know you're the reason it comes out, right?"

Emma licked her lips, "Well, I don't think I can take the credit for that," she said quietly, "But whatever the reason, I'm damn glad it has."

Regina hesitated for a moment, "So…you practically live here already, right?"

"Right," Emma nodded.

"So, if we're going to be together, then why don't you move in for real? It would be easier with Henry too."

Emma grinned, "Really, are you sure? You won't get sick of me?" she joked.

"Never," Regina smiled, "So, what do you say?" she asked anxiously.

"I say…" Emma pretended to think, "Fuck yeah," she exclaimed.

Regina shook her head, "Is such profanity really necessary, Emma?"

Emma smiled sheepishly, "Sorry, I swear when I'm super excited, so it's a compliment, really."

Regina rolled her eyes, "Uh-huh. So, um, I guess your mom is really gonna hate me now, huh? How is she – "

"Well, actually, it was mom who encouraged me to tell you how I felt about you," Emma admitted.

"Wow, really?" Regina's eyes were wide, "That's…wow."

Emma shrugged, "Yeah, haven't told David though. But hey, we'll discuss that later, we got something to do now."

Regina frowned, looking at the clock; it was still early, "We do? What's that?"

Emma growled and pinned Regina to the bed, "Puppy wants to play," she giggled.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Henry looked from Regina to Emma and back again expectantly.

"You guys seem tense," he noted curiously, "Am I in trouble?"

Regina's expression softened, "No, Henry, you're not in trouble at all. We just have something we need to talk to you about."

He looked back at them, blinking innocently, "Is it something bad?"

Emma shook her head, "No, kid, I don't think it's bad. Well, I think it's good, actually. Really good," she smiled, "It's just a bit weird."

Regina glared at her pointedly, "Weird?"

"No, not weird," Emma rushed, "I mean, probably like unexpected."

"I'm confused, just tell me," Henry prompted, squinting at his mothers' in confusion.

"Well, um, you know we've been spending a lot of time here, right?" Emma asked.

"Yeah," Henry nodded, "We're here all the time."

"And…that's been good, right?" Emma asked nervously.

Henry nodded enthusiastically, "Yeah, it's been fun. You guys haven't even been fighting or anything, which is nice too."

Regina smiled, "So, how would you feel if you two were to move in…a little more permanently?"

Henry looked surprised, "Really? So we'll all live here together?"

Regina nodded, "Would you like that?" she asked, a little nervously.

"Sure," Henry responded, "I mean, it's way better here anyway. Grandpa's is nice but it's kind of small and this place is huge, and I like that you guys are friends now."

Emma looked at Regina anxiously.

"Well…" Regina started, clearing her throat, "What if…" she cleared her throat again, "What if Emma and I were more than friends?"

Henry tilted his head and squinted again, "Do you love each other?" he asked lightly.

Emma jumped in to take over, "Yes," she smiled, "We love each other very much. I know this might seem kind of out of nowhere but – "

"Not really," Henry claimed as he shrugged nonchalantly, "I'm a kid but I'm not stupid. I always hear you sneak into mom's room when you think I'm asleep and I saw you curled up on the couch the other night when I came to get a drink," he shrugged, "I think it's cool."

"You do?" Regina asked curiously.

Henry nodded, "Yeah, I mean, the saviour and the evil queen. But you're not evil anymore, but it's like a story, right? The saviour saving the queen from darkness. That's what mom has been doing since she got here," he looked at Emma, "You always believed in her, even when nobody else did. You used your magic together to save the town. I mean, it's the whole opposite's attract, light and dark. It's my own fairy tale," he finished, smiling somewhat smugly.

Regina blinked at this description of her relationship with Emma, thinking how accurate that really did sound. She took Emma's hand, squeezing it.

"I don't know that I'm saving anyone, kid," Emma responded lightly, squeezing Regina's hand back, noting her tension, "But we're glad you're happy."

Henry nodded, "I should get to school," he said, looking at the clock.

"Yeah, you should, do you want us to walk you?" Emma asked, still a tight grip on the other woman's hand.

"Nope," Henry swung his back pack on, "I'm walking with Grace."

Emma smiled, "Alright, see you kid," she kissed him on the head before he went on to give his other mom a hug, Emma waited until he left before she turned to Regina, "You okay?"

Regina looked at her distractedly, "Yeah, sure," she nodded.

"Babe, what is it?" Emma asked.

Regina looked at her with wide eyes, "It's just so true, isn't it? The saviour saving the queen from her darkness…"

Emma bit her lip, "I don't know about that," she murmured.

"You're my saviour," Regina whispered before moving closer to Emma and kissing her passionately, "I love you."

"Bipolar," Regina wrapped her mouth around the word slowly before sighing, "And new medication," she turned the box over in her hands, placing it on the table before collapsing into the couch, "I don't know."

Emma sat beside her and squeezed the woman's hand, "You don't understand? Maybe we can get the doctor to – "

"No," Regina shook her head, "I understand. The up's, the down's, from no energy to extreme adrenaline and I get how it fits my behaviour. I understand all that."

Emma nodded, "I think it does too…and now that they have a better idea of what you're experiencing, hopefully this medication can help even out your moods."

"And then?" Regina asked.

"What do you mean?" Emma frowned.

"I mean… I feel like I'm losing who I am. I mean, the evil queen, the mayor, Henry's mother, some diagnosis… I don't know. And those anti-depressants made me feel so strange, now these mood stabilisers… I just want to be me. But I don't even know who that is anymore," Regina finished, sighing heavily.

Emma looked at the other woman sympathetically and took her hands in her own, "You're Regina Mills. You're the mayor and you're Henry's amazing mother. You're my beautiful girlfriend," she squeezed Regina's hands, "You're an incredible woman. This diagnosis? It's not who you are, it's just an illness we have to fight, together. It's such a small part… It's just that at the moment, it's not controlled, but it will be. We just have to learn how to best handle it."

Regina nodded, "I know you're right. It's just…when I was the evil queen, and I know I was horrible, but at least I knew who I was. Since then, everything's been so crazy, I've tried to be a mother which has been difficult and not entirely successful, I've had this fight between good and evil going on inside me," she sighed, "I mean, in Neverland was the first time _we_ even really got along consistently. Then, all of this…strangeness in my moods began. The only person I ever really felt confident being was… the evil queen."

It scared Emma to hear Regina speak like that, but at least she _was_ speaking, she licked her lips nervously, "What about before you were…evil, though?"

Regina frowned, "I was just a young woman trying to please everyone else, so impressionable and my relationship with my mother… things were so complicated," she shrugged.

Emma nodded, "Well, before I got to Storybrooke, I was a pretty different person too. I mean, I've been to jail, Regina, I was a criminal. I didn't have a kingdom or anything, but," she shrugged, "We all have our demons, right? The thing about being human is, we _can _choose who we want to be."

Regina blinked, "You don't think…people are intrinsically evil?"

Emma shook her head, "No way, anyone can turn good. I mean, look at you and look at Rumple, even. You guys are evidence that people can change. I mean, it can be hard, obviously, but you can choose to change. And hey," she added, "It's not like you have to change completely, I bet there are good things about from when you were the evil queen."

Regina's brow furrowed, "I don't think so. I was a horrible, demanding, cruel – "

Emma sighed, "Okay…so you can be assertive, you know what you want and you go for it. That's not a bad thing, I mean you know if you lay off the killing and stuff," she smiled at the sceptical woman before her, "You ran a damn kingdom, Regina, I don't even know what that involves, but I'm gonna guess it means you got some kind of business sense."

"I suppose," Regina said slowly, still apprehensive.

"You know how to like micro manage and stuff," Emma managed, "And I know you think you were emotionless in those days, uncaring… but I think it was a defence mechanism, I think maybe sometimes you feel _too_ much, and that means you're capable of sympathy and empathy and relating to people."

"Do you think…maybe that's why it's all coming out so crazily now?" Regina asked quietly, "Because I, maybe, supressed it for so long…"

Emma chewed on her lip, "Yeah, I think it's possible. I don't believe you were ever devoid of emotion, you just forced it away and yeah, maybe now it's spilling out."

Regina nodded, "It's scary… all this _feeling_. I suppose I'm not used to it. Perhaps, that is why I act out when I get emotional, I don't know. I suppose I am emotionally immature," she sighed at the admission.

"Perhaps," Emma nodded, "But I mean, it's the chemistry in your brain, you know, like Archie explained – "

"I know, I know," Regina agreed, "Science is a strange thing," she smiled, "I still don't completely understand it, but I think we have enough brochures to start a library here."

"You never talk about your mother much," Emma noted, suddenly, "I mean, I know you had a complicated relationship with her… and I know a little from what Snow's said, but I've never heard you mention her."

Regina blinked slowly, "It was a…turbulent relationship. My mother was a very confusing woman, at times I thought she loved me more than anything in the world and would do anything for me, but at other times she was extremely cold, disconnected and seemed to chase power over everything, including her daughter," she paused, lost in thought, "When she died…in my arms, she said that I would have been enough. But…I don't know that I believe that, it seems very convenient that she would say that in her dying breath."

Emma nodded, "It does… Perhaps, she didn't know how to love you, Regina. I don't know, I never knew her; I don't want to give any kind of opinion, but it seemed like she manipulated you when she needed you on side and then just tossed you aside when she didn't," she said quietly.

Regina's breath hitched for a moment, "I think that is true. I only wish I hadn't been so easy to manipulate…but I think the child, her daughter in me, still wanted her love and I was all too willing to believe that if I helped her with whatever evil scheme she was working on, that I would achieve it. That I would make her proud. Even as a grown woman, I suppose I craved that love from the woman who raised me," she shook her head, "Yet at other times, I am full of hatred for that woman; she killed Daniel, she didn't raise me in a very…kind way, nothing was ever good enough… I was never good enough."

Emma's eyes were wide, "You were good enough, she just couldn't see it," was all she could to think to say.

Regina smiled at the genuineness in the blonde's expression, "Thank you, dear. You are so sweet," she lent forward and quickly applied her lips to Emma's.

Emma smiled back as she pulled away, "Oh hey, another good thing about when you were the evil queen?"

"Hm, what's that?" Regina asked.

Emma's smile widened, "Well, I don't know," she tried to bite back her smile, "They always say your outfits were pretty…um, nice, and from the pictures in the book, well, damn, I'd bow down to you any day," she smiled cheekily.

Regina held back her own smirk for only a moment, "I believe you are being dirty, Miss Swan," she whispered, placing a hand on the other woman's cheek, "Mm, lucky I like dirty," she winked before Emma moved closer and pressed her lips against the brunette's.

"You're moving out?" Charming asked incredulously, "It's so sudden."

Emma flinched, "Not really. I mean, I've hardly been here lately."

"So… you're moving in with Regina?" Snow asked, before switching her gaze to her husband.

"Regina?" Charming asked, shocked.

Emma exchanged a look with Snow, "Um, yeah. You know, I've been over there a lot, right?"

"Sure, to help with Henry," an oblivious and somewhat naïve Charming replied.

Emma pulled a face, "Well, um, not exactly. I mean, obviously it's easier for Henry if we're in the same place, but, uh, dad, you should know… ," she looked at her mom, who gave a nod, "Regina and I are together. Like, together together. Like romantically," she managed to stutter out.

Charming's eyes widened so much it was almost comical, "You what?"

"Darling, don't over-react," Snow said gently.

"You knew?" Charming turned to his wife, "And you're okay with this?" he asked.

Snow sighed, "Well, I've had a while to get used to it," she admitted, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I thought it was Emma's place."

"I don't understand, how the hell did you end up with Regina?" Charming's mind was still reeling.

Emma bit her lip nervously, "Well, like, she's been going through a tough time emotionally since we got back from Neverland, so I'd been spending a lot of time over there, as you know. Um, so we grew kind of close and then we kissed and – "

"When?" Charming questioned, frowning.

Emma blinked, "When what?"

"When did you kiss? I mean, was it last week or last month or – "

"Last month, I guess," Emma answered, "I didn't know how to tell you… I only told mom by mistake kinda… But you know she's changed, right? I mean, she's not the evil queen anymore. I really think Neverland proved that."

Charming frowned, "I know she's trying, Emma, but I just don't want you to get hurt when she disappoints you."

Emma fired up, "Hey, she's not going to disappoint me," she said defensively, "You don't know her like I do."

"You don't know her like _we_ do," Charming snapped back, looking to his wife for support, "We knew her long before you did and we've seen her commit – "

"I know," Emma interrupted, sighing in exasperation, "But that's not _knowing_ her. I know her, inside. She's a good person, she has a beautiful soul, she's…amazing," she finished, sighing.

Snow looked at her deflated daughter sympathetically, "Honey, you understand why we're worried… But," she glanced pointedly at her husband, "We will support you. We can't blame you for seeing the best in people," she smiled, "You get that from us. So, how about you invite her to dinner and then we can see…what you see in her."

Charming frowned, "What does Henry think of all this?"

Emma smiled, "He's thrilled," she shrugged, "He thinks it's some modern fairy tale. I mean, his two mom's together, it's any kid's dream their parents are together, right?"

Charming hesitated but after another look from his wife, sighed and nodded, "I suppose he would see it that way," he couldn't help the smile as he thought of his grandson, "Just please, be careful darling, it's only because care about you."

"I know, but you don't need to worry about me with Regina, really," she sighed, "Anyway, I better get the last of these boxes packed up, but I'll call you about dinner."

"Are you kidding me?" Regina groaned, "Dinner with the Un-Charming's?"

"Hey, they're my folks, don't call them that," Emma mumbled, even though she couldn't help smiling at her girlfriend's name for her parents.

"Ugh, I don't know, Emma… I mean, we're not exactly some big, happy family are we?"

Emma shrugged, "No…but it would mean a lot to me," she said quietly, continuing, "And it would help Henry too. You know he adores his grandparents, wouldn't it be easier to get along, at least be able to be civil?"

Regina sighed, "Yeah, yeah," she muttered, "Fine, I'll do it. For you and for Henry."

Emma smiled, "Thank you."

Regina bit her lip a moment before she let herself grin, "But you're going to owe me," she claimed.

Emma shook her head as she laughed, "Sure, any time," she pulled the other woman closer by the waist, "At your service," she murmured.

The brunette grinned wider, "Good," she said gently, "I'm going to call you on that, baby."

"Baby, huh?" Emma raised her eyebrows.

Regina blushed, "You are my baby," she murmured, "Unless you don't like it."

Emma smirked, "I love it," she exclaimed, "Just like I love you."


End file.
